Skip to main content

When you create something bigger, your failures are given context

The first chunk of my life was dictated for me.  I went to school and I was told what to do in school.  I got a job and I was told what to do at that job.  I went to college and I was told what to do in college.  I found a better job and I was told to do in that job.  

My success in those different contexts was some milestone, goal, or achievement that was given to me by those different contexts.  I didn't have to think about what the goal was - it was merely given to me.  In some sense, that's great - I appreciate that someone was training me.

But the problem is that no one told me that I was merely being trained.  Without necessary communication and context, I kept drifting through the days thinking another goal or milestone would magically appear.

Well, it didn't.  And it took me a few years to figure this out - more than I'd like.  

What did I learn in the process?

That you must set those goals for yourself - even if those goals suck, you are practicing a necessary skill.  You are practicing the art of setting a target and trying to hit it.  There is real value in both and even if you miss, look like a fool, and fail fantastically, you sure as hell got better at two things: setting targets and trying to hit them.  The more you go through that process - yourself - you will get better at it.

And so the lesson, from the earliest age you can, is to learn how to set those goals for yourself, set forth tangible things you are doing to achieve those goals, and then figure out if it was enough.  Rise, lather, repeat and a great life was indeed made.  

So, just as a thought exercise: what goals were placed in front of you?  What goals are you setting for yourself?  How do you feel differently about those different goals?

Now, to the meat and potatoes of the point I'd like to make.  When you set these goals for yourself, you're setting multiple goals.  They begin to stack.  They grow in size and magnitude.  And sure, the first few failures sting and hurt.  But after a while, they lessen.  To some extent, you developed some tough skin.  But also, you developed coping skills and an understanding that there's a bigger thing you are trying to achieve than just the smaller goals along the way.  No one achieves 100% of their goals, so why get upset when a few things don't go your way?  

Again, context is everything.  

Popular posts from this blog

The More Good Days than Bad Days Principle

There are seven days in a week, about 30 days in a month, and 365 days in a year.   Not all of those can be good days.  No one has 7 perfectly good days.  Likewise, I've never gone through an entire year without a single bad day.   I have two reactions to that: The first reaction is the whole "control what you can control" thing.  You can control your effort and your attitude.  And that's absolutely true.  But sometimes a day is so bad that no amount of effort or attitude will fix it. The second reaction is that, in any given week, if you have 4 good days and 3 bad days, you're still winning.  Even if you have a few "meh" days, but the good ones are still outnumbering the rough ones, I think we're in a good place. The same goes for our practices with our little leaguers.  We've had some truly rough and awful practices.  The coach's didn't show up with patience, the kids didn't show up with their attention spans, a...
Read more

My body failed - what's next? How to fix it.

My body is f*cked. What's the best way to proceed?  Well, that's a tad complicated to answer - we're all snowflakes (translation: no, it's not that you're soft, but you are uniquely injured ). There aren't many worse feelings than knowing you are forever physically limited.  And if you fit into that category: I am sorry.  But here's the key: you cannot, and should not, feel sorry for yourself.  It beats the alternative (you know, not having a living, breathing body with flowing, pumping blood).   In this vein (pun intended), our goal is to use what we have.  It's to work with the hand we have been dealt.  It is to not stop at the first sign of danger - it is to see the danger, acknowledge it, and then move the fuck on.   You are not on this earth to sit still.  You are not on this earth to waste away.  You are not on this earth to do anything other than to inch closer to your potential. And so yes, there have been moments where...
Read more