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5 things being a coach has taught me about being a dad

Just let the kids play.
My childhood was full of pickup football, basketball, and baseball games.  Never ending, really.  For better and for worse, my parent's weren't the type that signed me up for organized sports.  I had stints of playing little league baseball and later on wound up playing sports at school, but I never fully experienced the scene that is "youth sports."

 My first real experience with youth sports has come as the parent of a little leaguer and not-so-soon-after, a coach of a little leaguer.  As my child explored a passion of his, I found a passion of mine, which is coaching youth sports.  I take the job fairly seriously, but I do not take myself very seriously.  I take my role seriously; I believe my job is to instill hard work, team work, and a positive attitude into these kids.  
Based on a few years of coaching, I've come away with a few thoughts.   

 1.  Praise like hell.  It's enough hard for them.  From time to time, it's fun to watch the parents try and play the sport that their child is playing.  They look silly, foolish, uncoordinated, and completely sloppy.  And yet, we put our kids out there and scold them .  Learning a new skill is hard.  As a reasonably-athletic person, my first instinct is to ask "why can't you get it?"  But in reality, these things are incredibly difficult for our kid.  Hitting a baseball, for example, is one of the hardest things to do in sports (see how well you do hitting a small, fast-moving ball with a narrow object).  My son and I would spend hours in the backyard practicing.  On some of those muggy, sweaty nights, he'd hit maybe 2 or 3 balls.  Drenched in sweat, we were determined to call that a good night.  A good night not because of the outcome but because of the process.  We worked together, we kept working, and we hopefully observed a few things that we can take with us into the next session.  Let's try and remove any expectation from the process -- give them the opportunity to develop and hope that they do.  It really is OK if they don't; that may come with more time and more opportunity.

 2.  Your kid is not likely to be Bryce Harper, let alone a collegiate athlete.  Dream, dream big, and fun with it.  We all love to dream.  We all likely overestimate how successful we can really be, however.  Just because I wore that Drew Brees jersey doesn't mean I'm going to start dissecting a defense and throwing tight spirals 40 yards down the field.  Your kids aren't all that different.  But we don't need to put all of the pressure of "making it" on them when they have no idea what it means to make it.  They just want to be out there with their friends.  

 3.  Coaching your kid is harder than it looks.  I only have experience coaching baseball, but I think a lot of my experience holds true for other sports.  Boys are historically energetic, with seemingly boundless amounts of physical energy.  Even the older kids have to work hard to figure out what to do with that energy.  Not only that, on any given team, there are more than 10 kids.  If you want individualized training, you should probably either (1) work with them at home or (2) sign them up for personal training sessions.  Your child will get better as the season progresses, but it will be slow and subtle.  Coaching is more getting a team to learn how to operate as a unit as opposed to individually developing each player.  There is but one practice and one game; the progress will occur but it will move slowly.

 4.  Practice with them, do it with them.  More than anything, your child wants to experience this with you.  Find a way to get involved in their development.  It could be as simple as throwing them balls, watching games together, or asking questions about how the game went.  You don't have to be athletic to be involved in their development--take the time and effort to find a way.  They will appreciate it.

 5.  Playing hard, having fun, and sportsmanship over all else.  We all want the best for our children and the best, in this instance, means that they've pursued a passion, improved their skills, learned how to work well with others, and hopefully, had fun.  Playing youth sports can work wonders for a child's confidence, but it can very easily harm a child's confidence.  As a coach, I try very carefully to manage a child's expectations about how a particular game or situation will go.  I also try particularly hard to not get upset when we strike out to end an inning or drop an easy ball with the game on the line.  Leave that kind of fanaticism for the professionals -- these kids aren't getting paid to do this and the entire point of their presence on that field is to enjoy the game.  Let's try and give them the space to enjoy it.


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