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Learning how to coach and how to parent

We all mean well.

 We want what's best for our kids and we do what we think is best for our kids.  That's a universal truth of parenting.

 From the moment they were in diapers, we've monitored every cough, every big moment, every little moment, and every single little thing in between.  We research schools, we research their teachers, we research everything about our child's experience.  This is, after all, what parents do.  They parent.

 That approach gets a little confused, however, when parents start getting involved in youth sports.

 I certainly get it.  I didn't have kids to necessarily sit back and just "watch" -- I want to be involved.  If I think my kid should be doing something, I sure as heck want to yell at him.  Make no mistake, I am not raising my kids to be major leaguers.  They are very unlikely to have that kind of ability.  But I do want them to succeed in everything they do.  

 For the sake of their experience and youth sports, generally:  just sit there helpless and enjoy.  The best example of this is Frank Martin, the head basketball coach at South Carolina.



Coach Martin says it exactly the way it needs to be said:  sit there, be quiet, and enjoy.  Go grab that hot dog and talk to other families.  Cheer on your kid for the sake of cheering on your kid.  And no matter what you do, do not chastise your kid and don't give them advice that conflicts with their coach's advice.  To do otherwise makes for a very confusing experience for the kids.  I know this from experience, as my kids will look at me, look at their coach, and then look at me.  In retrospect, that makes me cringe.  Frankly, even if I disagree with the coach, I want my kid to be paying attention to the coach.  I can coach in the car, the garage, or the backyard.  My kid's future will not be determined by one game.  

I'm sitting on a set of metal bleachers -- I didn't sign up to coach that team (for free, by the way).  I have no business in what happens on that field.  We must do better as parents at these events.  If an umpire makes a bad call, live with the bad call.  Address it with the coach after the game and let the coach be the one to interact with the umpire.  

This is my goal for my oldest son this year.  I'm still coaching my middle son, and will be just as involved as ever, but I will enjoy having a chance to be a fan and having a chance to be a coach -- separately.

[Now, of course, there are instances where we have to get involved, but those instances are few and far in between.]

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