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Letters to my sons about failure

 This is a bit of a detour from our usual programming, but a worthwhile journey - I promise.

Much of the reason I write about failure is that it's a condition of loneliness.  Failure feels - and is - very, very personal.  

Because of how personal it is, failure feels unique to you and only you.  Because of that, failure is really just an expression of loneliness.  One of the reasons it feels so painful is because we feel alone, and potentially lost, in our feelings.  That's not a great place to be.

Because of that experience, I have decided to write this book.  I am aware that one day, I won't be on this earth.  The thought depresses the hell out of me, but I've tried to not dwell.  We are human and this is, after all, the human existence (lifecycles of birth, living, and death).  

That said, while I am on this damn earth, I will make the most of it.  One of the ways I have decided to make the most of it is by writing this book.  This book, I hope, will be on the shelves of my sons and maybe even their grandsons.  They can have my voice with them at all times.

If I am lucky, this book is on your shelf.  I hope it is - I poured my heart and soul into this thing.  I wrote it carefully, diligently, and researched the hell out of the issues.  I wrote it for my sons, myself, and you.  And so this letter is to you, as well.

Today, I see you are hurting.

I'm sorry.

I'm not sorry because I caused it, I am sorry because that feeling sucks.

You are living through the pain of failure.  You are feeling alone and that you do not have anywhere to go.

You do not know who to ask.  You don't want to sound whiny or complainy. 

You also don't want anyone thinking you are weak.  Well, let me assure you that the fact you are reading this, right now, means you are not weak.

You are also not alone.  You have your friends, your family, your co-workers, your teammates, your whole world around you.  Each of them are going through some sort of failure, as well.

And so while you're failure is unique to you - failure itself is not.  Let it be a bridge to forge more and better connections.  Let it be the vehicle for driving better relationships in your life.

Be vulnerable with yourself.  Admit that you're stung and that you're in pain.  Admit that you can't realy bear these feelings right now.

And also admit that you're going to wake up tomorrow, ready to take on the world.  And as you do, you'll reach your hand out and put it on someone else's back.  You will lift them up and support them - even if they didn't reveal to you that they're hurting, they probably are.

They're trying to cope, as well.  And so your greatest gift right now is your presence in their lives.  This is no time to hide - it's a time to shine.  Go shine.

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